Thanksvember 2012: Week One

November 1st: I am thankful for being part of a family full of storytellers. Even in our darkest moments, we can help each other smile.

November 2nd: I am thankful for my rockstar coworkers at Infuz (past and present). The business stuff is just the cusp of what I’ve learned from them, and many have become my closest friends.

November 3rd: I am thankful for being a two-parent household. The fun stuff is better when you have someone to share it with. The bad stuff is easier when there’s someone to shoulder the burden. Also, when you have too much whiskey, someone can manage the kids while you suffer your consequences.

People do that thing in November where they blog/tweet/post one thing every day that they are thankful for. I’m doing it, too.

A Look Ahead: 2011

2010 is officially over now. I’ve been meaning to talk to you about it for months, but life got in the way. It’ll be a bit more concise now. Lucky you.

If the second half of 2010 had a theme, it was Challenge is the New Black. A couple of months ago something snapped and I realized that who I think I am isn’t set in stone and even though I’m 33, I can still redefine the things about myself that I’m not down with. Continue reading A Look Ahead: 2011

what’s that sound?

through a convoluted series of events that span almost an entire year and include writing classes and comic book fans, i’ve been invited to participate in a closed beta for an up and coming …um… let’s go with “conversation site.” they define themselves much better and it’s probably better for me to just quote them instead of plagiarize:

Murmur is not a blogging platform. We are not a social networking site. We aren’t your home on the web. We are your soapbox, your flyer on the telephone pole, your crazy man at the bus stop, your pulpit, your reviewer’s seat, your talking head on the TV and your radio show.

got it? anyway, it’s a closed beta which means that while you can’t participate in the site yourself (by creating content or commenting on/rating existing content), you can read what others have written.

including me!

a few days ago i posted something that rumbles around my brain every time i hear that someone intelligent has read and on some level enjoyed twilight. i did my best to keep my utter distaste of the series at a minimum, and it looks like i’ve succeeded. feel free to judge for yourself.

it was so well received that i mustered up enough courage and free time to post another just now. since it’s primarily about how much i enjoy Warcraft, it likely won’t get the same reception as the first. i tried to make it as “approachable” as possible, but in the end, it’s still about warcraft. together though, they paint a pretty accurate picture of what i might bring to the site as a regular contributor, so no regrets.

how fab is all of that? almost a year after saying “i’m going to be a writer when i grow up!” i’m sort of kind of taking a step towards it. granted it’s a beta site and there’s no money involved and at some point anyone will be able to do exactly what i’m doing there, but hey, i’m doing it! even if this experiment ends up not going anywhere for me, it’s been an incredible confidence booster. i’ve always glossed over the praise and encouragement of family and friends because that’s what you do for people you care about. does this mean any praise i’ve given is false? of course not. i have a complete double standard on the concept and do not care. :)

the whole endeavor has been a great learning experience for me. i didn’t expect my writing style to change much from here to there, and even it hasn’t to the overlapping audience, it certainly has inside. i’m analyzing the words i chose more and culling out a large percentage of my rambling (but not all, it’s still got to be me, you know). random lessons from english teachers past have come creeping back in. i don’t want to be arrogant and say i didn’t realize how much better my raw talent could be with a bit of tweaking and purpose, but i think that’s probably the best way to describe it.

see? confidence! yay me!

not my best day

so…it’s been a week. and then another week. …and then a third week? surely not. i think it’s only been the two. anyway, my “a week and then i’ll see,” week is totally up.

the first week was full of all sorts of potential planning. i didn’t get very far because, well, it wasn’t the week for that.

the first week was hard because i still had so much work-related information in my head. i still had ryan coming home with “well, today was messed up because we found out at the last minute…” and i could say “no, someone has known about that for three weeks.”

the first week was hope.

the second week went by in a blur.

the second week was half lists and todo items and half celebrating all my free time

the second week was telling myself how great it was that i had all this free time.

the second week was denial.

today is the third week.

today it’s hard to deny things.

today i look at my facebook and think, “if i was a friend from a past life that i hadn’t talked to in 5 – 10 years, i would think i’d become one of those women who lives their lives through their husband and children.”

today i look back over the last 2 weeks and realize that i was never not with my baby.

today i think more and more that i got a “we’ll still be friends” speech when i was let go.

today i realize that i’ve been avoiding feeling hurt.

today i admit that being “of use” to my husband and my baby and my family is probably not good enough.

today i admit that i haven’t made any plans because plans are scary and i’d rather just wait until i can’t stand it anymore…like i do when i’m in control.

tonight i wallow in this feeling.

tomorrow i wallow in this feeling.

the rest of my week is booked, so i’ll be too busy to notice i’m wallowing.

next week i get the hell over myself and fix it.