2007 mid-ish year recap

wherein kelly throws herself a whiny pity party and decides upon review that she really doesn’t care about the tense shifting and inconsistent capitalization enough to do anything about it.

let’s recap, shall we?

bad: found out my dad’s “spots” were very terminal pancreatic cancer

good: *finally* sold our damn house.
bittersweet: found out friends were pregnant (what? i’m not allowed to be happy and a wee bit jealous?)
bad: work-related stress comes to a serious head, resulting in more than one panic attack.

bad -“the flood” -work falls to bitty, bitty chaotic pieces
bittersweet: found out my cousin was pregnant (see above)
good: found out I was pregnant
(it should be noted that the flood, rachel’s pregnancy and my discovery were all the same damn day)
bad: dad spends the month in and out of the hospital thanks to pneumonia, random fevers, and life-threatening blood clots.
bad: low progesterone issues threaten my pregnancy
bad: trip to new york is cancelled.
worst week so far: the one where it looked like i was going to miscarry, my dad was going to die, and we should have been spending a great week in newyork with my inlaws.

fuck march

good: low progesterone issues taper off as i enter the second trimester
bad: my dad dies.

fuck april

bad: my dad’s first not-birthday
good: the first annual “Bob Valentine Memorial Day at the Casino”
bad: Nancy (my mother in law)’s cancer has spread to her brain.

fuck the hell out of may.

good: baby and i pass the 18week checkup with flying colors, even if we didn’t discover the gender
good: trip to seattle with 4 of my closest friends (oh, and ryan)
good: work seems to be turning around with the help of some restructuring/new hires
bad: my mentor leaves the company, leaving me at “the helm” of this new restructuring
bad: my first birthday in 20+ years where my father doesn’t call me at 10:50 to say happy birthday
good/bad: the radiation treatments clearly help Nancy, but greatly fatigue her/cause complications

seattle aside, fuck june, too.

bad: blockage in Nancy’s digestive system is irreparable. she comes home to die.
bittersweet: more rushed than we’d like, we move out of our crappy apartment and into our sexy loft. loft is largely empty as we left most of our stuff behind.
good: baby is officially declared a girl
bad: my grandmother (the only grandparent i have left) is diagnosed with chronic pulmonary distress.
good: looks like she’s just an 89 year old woman with 89 year old lungs. it’s not great, but it’s not life-threatening.
bad: Nancy dies. her wake is 3 months to the day that my father died.
good: we register for “stuff” at babiesrus as a helpful distraction.
good: will and gina arrive a week early.

i’d fuck july if i had the strength.

good: will and gina’s presence in our home makes it feel like home.
bad: the week i took off to support my family throws the restructuring at work out of whack. yes, there were other reasons, but had i been there…
bad: stress of life and work and physical stress of baby causes painful acid reflux and i loose a weekend to feebleness and vomiting. takes a week to get my appetite back.
good: when we can squeeze it in, we move forward with baby things like building furniture and registering at target.
good: we find almost a week where we can focus on our loft and our upcoming baby. there is still much to do.
bad: life and work stress, coupled with the fact that i’m less and less physically capable of doing things, cause me to start having panic attacks again.
good: i start taking anti-depressants after talking with my doctor.
good: surprise trip to peoria to see nickelcreek and fiona apple.
bad: very close friends who’ve been together for 5 years end their relationship.
second worst week of the year: watching a friend grieve over the loss of her relationship and trying to help when she wants to be left alone to die. feeling more helpless than with either death.
good: my replacement at work is a rockstar. it gets easier every week to let a little work-stress go.
bad: nancy’s father (grandpa fritz) is diagnosed with colon cancer.
good: grandpa fritz has a very successful surgery to remove the cancer. is pronounced “good for 10 more years”. he is 91.
bad: grandpa’s sutures fail. he returns for additional surgery. it is successful (thusfar), but requires a ventilator, feeding tube. none of which he wants.

fuck august.

fuck it harder than any other month, in no small part because of all the months that have come before it, weighing it down so heavily.

september – december
good: apple day
bad: the first apple day with no nancy. the first apple day in 5 years with no fritzs because they’re all in chicago watching over grandpa’s beside.
bad: grandpa will likely not see halloween.
good: impending births of many loved children, including my own.
good: declaring myself “pagan enough” to count halloween as the new year and hopefully separating charlotte’s birth from the year that preceded it.
deathly frightening and exiting: charlotte’s arrival
bittersweet: there is still so very much to do.
bittersweet: showers for charlotte, which will have a few palpable absences.
good: will and gina will likely still be in town when charlotte arrives
bad: will and gina will leave days later for their new home in DC.
bittersweet: thanksgiving, christmas and so many alterations to loved traditions.
good: there will be a tattoo on me in some form or another to mark this year on my skin as permanently as it’s been marked on my soul.

may it be that i find the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, the courage to change the things i can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

2007: a look ahead

here’s the things that i’d like to do this year:

  • drink less soda (maybe 1 a day?)
  • drink way more water (some in the form of tea)
  • wean myself mostly off of caffeine by march-ish
  • exercise regularly (once week by march, adding a “once” every week every quarter)
  • read one book a month (pitiful goal, i know, but considering i read about 3 all 2006, it’s not an unrealistic one)
  • write (at least 6 hours a week)
  • eat better (one “take out” meal a day, healthier choices in general)
  • take my vitamins
  • finish ryan’s scarf before spring

oh yeah, i know that it takes a few weeks to get a single habit ingrained, and that trying to do all of this at once means i’m probably doomed to fail and all, but ya gotta have dreams, right? speaking of dreams…

loftier “things i’d like to do/have/etc but can’t necessarily do on my own and/or have no real control over” goals:

also, the official motto of 2007 is “fuck that!”

question answered

(note, i am basically drunk dialling my own blog, so if this comes out gibberish, um..that’s why. good thing my blog and i didn’t just break up horribly and i need some closure.)

so, one of the questions i get asked most often by “people” when they learn that we’re moving/moved downtown is “but…what will you do for fun on the weekends?” usually i take the time to point out that most standard things (movies, theatres, etc) are close if not closer than they are from deep suburbia, and that just because i moved downtown doesn’t mean i’ve forgotten how to drive to something.

but tonight, i have a different answer.

6:45 – ryan asks what we should do for dinner.
6:45.2 – “potato pancakes at straussenfest” i reply.
6.45.3 – “plus we can get our drunk on!” he answers.
6:50 – we leave the apartment on foot
7:00 – we arrive at straussenfest by way of an atm (who carries cash these days, seriously?)

that’s right. 15 minutes from “how do we want to entertain ourselves?” to “fried potatoes, carnival rides and tequila” (i don’t like beer and redbull/absolut mandarin tastes like children’s aspirin).

8:30 – full of knackwurst, potato pancake, and fishbowl margaritas (like a pitcher with two straws) and deciding against a round of turkey legs and/or funnel cakes and/or roasted corn (oh, so tastey) having scoped out the rides (there is not a stage of intoxicated where i think that’s a good idea), listened to some polka, waved to father time (we totally know people who know him!!), strolled through the tents of crafts that’s at every “fest” ever, no matter what the theme, judged and been judged by every type of person we could set our happy, satiated, drunk eyes on, we head for home

8:33 – as we cross washington avenue we briefly discuss hitting the gelateria on our way back because, hey, who couldn’t use a bit of tasty ice cream to top that off? but since the heartburn is making me weak, we decide against it. maybe later, since it’s barely 2 blocks away from our apartment.

8:34 – we giggle with glee because this is our life now.

so um, that’s my new answer. and yes, i know that strassenfest doesn’t come along every evening, but there’s something going on about 2 weekends per month anyway, and it’s all stuff i’d miss if i lived farther away because i simply wouldn’t bother.

so, ha.

There are MF’ing SNAKES on my MF’ing BOXES!

of all the things i had prepared myself for when i was extracting old folded up boxes from the basement, a dead snake stuck to one of them was NOT on my list.

thoughts that are still going through my head:

-i carried those boxes up the stairs and into my living room. i touched that thing. at the very least i gripped it while carrying/moving the boxes. most likely it came into contact with my body someplace else.

-what if it’s a baby? what if there are more? you don’t know. you. don’t. know.

moving: day 1

so we’ve “started” packing up and purging, but didn’t really get full swing until today. here’s what we accomplished:

  • the pantry (everything sorted into keep, donate, trash)
  • the fridge (everything that can’t make it to whenever we actually get into the apartment trashed)
  • the freezer (see above)
  • the liquor (everything vinegar-ized or opened that hasn’t been used in 1+ years trashed)
  • the clothes (went through 3+ boxes of clothes i haven’t seen in 4+ years to sort into keep, donate, trash–the bulk is being donated)
  • the bedroom (far corner and a bunch of ryan’s clothes sorted)

…um, i think that’s it. but it was a lot. there’s always laundry, too. oh, and there were fireworks downtown.