dead muse

apparently, my muse is also reading harry potter. i haven’t been able to write a thing since finishing the book. i keep looking for pictures inside my head to write down, but it’s a huge blank. i’ve gone through older outlines and half-started story attempts in the hopes that something will get triggered, but it’s like trying to light a wet fuse. granted, it’s only been a couple of days, but it’s disturbing for her to close up shop so fiercely. usually i can stumble across *something* to trigger a scene, even if i can’t get it down to my satisfaction, but this? there’s no scene. i can almost feel her sitting in the corner of my head, slowly rocking against the wall, refusing to listen to me.

why do i blame the book?

i was already feeling a bit self-conscious about writing thanks to a conversation ryan and i had about it a few days earlier, so i’m sure that’s contributing, but it’s like the plot of this book has blocked everything else. if it was filling my brain with things about the book, it’d be okay, because then i’d just write about them, but it’s not, it’s just stopped the flow.

i’m distracted by the crossroads that she has left the characters. if joss whedon had written harry potter, i wouldn’t be worried, because i trust joss, even when he does very bad things. i don’t trust her, because i don’t know her. i’ll probably elaborate more in a comment (because they don’t show up on the main page), not to the point of being a true spoiler, but just because things inferred from comments can be just as spoilery as actual plot points.

gah! i can’t even finish off a post properly. i’ve spent entirely too long shuffling sentences about, trying to get everything to flow right, but it just won’t end.

sigh. i’m hopeless.

crazy weekend

so many things happened in the last few days that deserve their own essay-length posts.

we picked up will and gina from the airport so late on thursday that it was actually friday morning.

friday afternoon was spent socializing, hanging up flags in a hall for saturday’s party, and visiting the soon-to-be spectacular workspace for a company that will works with/for, which just happened to be in the same building as a company i sent a resume for. so much coveting.

friday night we had a crazy whirlwind dinner prepared by gina in a very shiny kitchen that didn’t quite have everything she needed. her skills at adapting rival her general cooking skills.

saturday morning we attended a memorial mass for a very great man. i’m still sorting out how i feel about that on multiple levels. cancer, death, afterlife, catholicism, family, friends–you name it and its in my brain, and has probably gone through some sort of radical change since saturday morning. well, except cancer. that’s never not going to suck.

saturday afternoon we attended a party for the same man. giant illegal fireworks were set off in his honor right next to the new cathedral. how incredible that 3 times as many people showed up to celebrate his life than originally expected?

also, don’t be afraid to make silly faces in your pictures. don’t scowl at people who do. those are the best pictures ever.

saturday night was full of good friends and many games. i’ve never rolled as many large straights in yahtzee as i did that night. ever. put together. makes it hard when you need 6s. clue is very easily over-thinkable. if i was allowed to use a spreadsheet, there would have been no stopping me. :)

sunday morning we said goodbye to will and gina (again).

sunday i burned about 3gb of music from cd to itunes. while doing this, i read, in its entirety, harry potter 6. i know who the half blood prince is, and i ain’t tellin’. also, my neck hurts. a lot.

sunday evening, we saw charlie and the chocolate factory. it was really weird. i also think it was really good. not sure i ever want to see it again though. weird. although it was slightly less disturbing than the original one.

i think that blending hp6 and charlie was a good idea. it should scramble my brain well enough that i might get some sleep.

also managed to cram a good 3 or 4 tour de france stages in while all this happened.

this is the week that i, in theory, find out whether i get the job i interviewed for on my birthday. if not, then it’s time for round 2 of irons-in-the-fire games.

my boss is leaving wednesday and won’t be back until august. puts a kink in any notice-giving plans that might develop.

friends from omaha are coming in for the weekend.

doesn’t look like i’ll be taking it easy next week, either. ah well.

goddamat!

was it not enough to have a head full of grey hair before i’m 26?

apparently, the answer is no.

i do not have a broken toe. i do not have a hairline fracture, what i *do* have is arthritis, or the beginnings of it in my right foot. my freaky “one is 9 3/4 sized and one is 9 1/4 sized” feet. turns out that that, coupled with wearing women’s shoes has caused a stress point to develop in my foot that if not attended by a podiatrist will turn into a knee and hip problem as well. more importantly than that, it means NO MORE HEELS. as if didn’t have enough “fun” trying to get my freaky “only shoes with adjustable straps/buckles/ties across the top, please” feet into shoes.

i walk so much better when i’m in heels, but apparently that walk is putting too much stress on one of my toe joints (and by too much i mean “all” which, yeah, is too much) so no more heels, or heels on special/painful occasions.

grrrrrr

you know that scene in every sitcom where the neurotic character goes to the doctor and the doctor is so awed by something that s/he brings in other doctors to look at it? that happened to me today. the nurse practitioner called in my real doctor for a second opinion and when the real doctor started talking about my problem (she knows only because she has it too) they turned me around so they could look at how my feet/ankles line up. apparently something is really impressively off with the way i stand, because there was awe.

i should be happy. i get to go shoe shopping.

not much to say

but i’m still trying to do that once a day thing.

work sucked so hard today that i had to be talked out of just walking out…twice.

tomorrow promises to be just as fun.

maybe it’s that i haven’t said anything commentable yet, but y’all do know you can comment just as easily here as you could on snipsnap.

…assuming you’re even out there. if everyone got the snipsnap though RSS i guess i really *am* talking to myself.

oh, and covet

saying goodbye

there is a scene in the last episode of buffy the vampire slayer that is fairly gut-wrenching if you’re a fan of the show. the ensemble is getting ready for the big battle to end all big battles (for real this time) and the entire cast is in this small hallway. the characters who have joined the cast over the last 7 or so years sort of trickled away, leaving the original 4 characters alone. after a moment of “typical” banter where nobody really chooses to acknowledge that there really might not be a tomorrow, one falls away and the last 3 walk down the hall to their stations, again with the witty talk that distracts them from what’s about to happen. then there are 2. then just one.

that’s what the last few days felt like to me.

saturday we had a grand fete for two friends who were moving away tuesday morning. they were planning on leaving monday, but didn’t want to leave on my birthday. that’s how cool they are. they had been staying with us for the past month, which as potentially dangerous as that sounds was actually incredibly cool. i don’t think i could have handled it as long had it been any other couple, but for me, it only served to cement what had become a very special set of friendships. on saturday night, someone asked me if i was ready to say good bye to will and gina and i said, “i haven’t said good bye to them in a month.” i’ve said “good night”, “have a nice day at work”, and other very, very temporary words of departure, but nothing even close to “see you in a few months, maybe.”

anyway, back to my analogy…

saturday we had the “whole cast” basically, which by the end of the evening whittled down to smaller and smaller groups. and then sunday the four of us ate leftovers with another couple. watching hans and kristan say good bye was rough. it brought a level of realism that i wasn’t quite prepared for.

monday night i fixed dinner for just the four of us and as the evening slowly dragged on, it was hard to go to bed. going to bed meant that this day was over, and the next day they’d be gone. we spent the evening sort of skirting the topic. they had to plan a route, but didn’t want to look to closely at the maps. there were a couple of things that still needed to be packed up/dealt with, but nobody wanted to look too closely at why we were doing any of it.

this morning we got up early and in the fog of not-enough-sleep helped them pack their cars. and they left.

and now our house is so empty.